In a recent Reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything), JT Tran , known as a dating coach extraordinaire, university lecturer and the creator of “ABCs of Attraction “, dropped some sage advice for Asian men who face romantic discrimination in the dating world.
It has long been an issue that Asian men are emasculated in the media (though that’s changing ), but sometimes the cultural consequences can be just as problematic when Asian women drop the dreaded, “I don’t date Asian men” line in the dating scene.
But rather than get upset or play the blame game because of a most unfortunate but minority phenomenon, JT Tran hit Redditors back with an anecdote on the suavest response possible to that line.
Redditor 8MonkeyKing asked:
Thanks for answering all the questions. Since others aren’t asking more, I will ask for some of the guys here. How do you handle Anna LUs? Have your students run into self hating AFs? There is nothing worse than self hating Asians, but Anna LUs really bring out the passion for lots of guys here. In your opinion, how do you handle them? Can you give any real life examples? Thanks.”
“Constantly. First of all, I don’t see much of a point to engage in name calling as it isn’t particularly useful in engaging in social change.
Let me quote a student of mine who recently approached a white guy only dating AF and how he handled it according to the ABCs Of Attraction philosophy:
‘Last night, I opened 2 Asian girls. There was fun banter, dancing and all around good time. I singled out one of them and started talking to her about her life, dreams and family. Then, she dropped a bomb. ‘I don’t date Asian guys.’ She was very set on dating white men and marrying a white man. Despite this, I smiled and continued talking to her, maintaining eye contact and keeping the energy up.
The first thing I told her was, if she were to hypothetically have a son with her white husband, how would that boy, being Asian, live in the world knowing his mother does not find Asian men attractive? This sat with her a little and she responded, ‘he doesn’t need to know.’ I laughed along with her, it was a good time.
Later in the evening, she asked me, what is my ultimate dream? I told her what my dream for the world is. To change the standards of what a man is, what a woman is, what beauty and love is, through the films I make and the stories I tell. I spoke from my heart, and she was so drawn into it her eyes widened and her jaw was dropping. I ended with ‘so that one day, you would find Asian men attractive.’
She was SILENT. She couldn’t formulate a response and was giggling non stop. In the end she said, ‘I guess I like white-washed Asian guys.’ I laughed and said, ‘that’s a start.’ I gave her a hug before I left.
Gentlemen, stand up for what you believe in. Speak from your heart, don’t let circumstances dictate your actions. Changing the perception that Asian men are not dateable starts from you!’
Ultimately, you can’t change a woman’s mind.
You can only change her heart and emotions.
And I think that starts with how you choose to engage AFs either in a constructive, healthy, and holistic manner or in combative, non-productive way.”
If that isn’t the most gentlemanly and ultra-slick way to handle that situation, we don’t know what is.
Tran, who is well-known in the pick-up artist industry, gave some advice to a redditor who asked what the biggest mistakes Asian men make during pick-up/dating boot camps:
“Asians form the 2nd largest group in the dating & pickup industry.
So it is no surprise that many might become frustrated with the teachings because 99% of the coaches are Caucasian.
It shouldn’t have to be explained, but I’ll state the obvious, learning from a 6 foot tall, decent looking white guy, can almost (not always) be utterly useless for the Asian man.”
Tran also gave a great bit when a redditor asked him about the “holistic idea of an Asian man,” or basically what an Asian man’s true identity should be in society:
“As Asian Americans, we are under the brunt of so much societal conditioning both from without and from within, from Hollywood to Asian feminists trying to dictate to us what they want Asian men to be. Hollywood says we’re emasculated and asexual, while feminists club us over the head to not be ‘toxic Asian masculinity’.
In all cases, we are being dictated, Hollywood-splaind and Asian female-splained, as to what WE as Asian men should be.
Well fuck that, let me make my own choice of what it means to be an Asian man.
And that’s what I mean that being an Asian man is what you MAKE it to be. Make the conscious choice to define yourself and live your life as an Asian man on your terms, not anyone else’s.
I personally believe that Asian men should live a holistic lifestyle, one that is well rounded, that seeks our own happiness, but also creating happiness in others.”
Images via Instagram
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